We Are Lovable, My Mind & Heart Thoughts and Being Creative
Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships
We Are Lovable
Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. — Codependent No More
Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thinking we are unlovable can sabotage our relationships with co-workers, friends, family members, and other loved ones. This belief can cause us to choose, or stay in, relationships that are less than we deserve because we don't believe we deserve better. We may become desperate and cling as if a particular person was our last chance at love. We may become defensive and push people away. We may withdraw or constantly overreact.
While growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved. Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one. If others couldn't love us, or love us in ways that worked, that's not our fault. In recovery, we're learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others. And we're learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us.
Just as we may have believed that we're unlovable, we can become skilled at practicing the belief that we are lovable. This new belief will improve the quality of our relationships. It will improve our most important relationship: our relationship with our self. We will be able to let others love us and become open to the love and friendship we deserve.
Today, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
My Mind & Heart Thoughts
I was mentioning the topic for today’s reflection to my hubby on our walk this morning. He immediately thought isn’t it interesting how different it is when we think about “God’s Love” vs. Self Love. I am hoping he goes into more detail in the comments because now my brain is a bit fuzzy when thinking back to the conversation. I just recall how interesting the thought was.
The first thing that came to my mind is wondering if being given up for adoption is partially why I have had such a hard time feeling lovable. I also think though it has to do with not feeling accepted by my mom that raised me. I seemed to get on her nerves a lot. My sister also thought of me as a pest, which is fairly normal as far as sibling relationships go.
I have a hard time making friends now, but I don’t remember that being a problem when I was growing up.
I have been working on self love over the last several years. I don’t want my self worth to come only from how others view me. Over the years there have been too many instances where I have felt misunderstood and I don’t think it is due to a lack of self love. When those moments occur that is where already feeling good about who I am gets me through.
Being Creative
Yesterday a friend invited me over to craft along side her. She had a crochet project that she had been working on for way too long. It was nice to spend a couple hours visiting with her. Her adult daughter joined us and at one point so did her two grandchildren. She is now hoping to do this on a regular basis. She mentioned how she does have the time, but doesn’t take it. I am glad that I have made an intention to work on something creative daily. It doesn’t always happen, but it happens more often than not.
I brought my felting, but decided to do a flat piece. I think it turned out pretty good for my first try.
I’m so in love with your felting journey!! I want to touch it through the screen. 😍
I was thinking how some of us have such a hard time accepting a thought like "God loves us just how we are" vs. "we are lovable." I do. It occurs to me that they're the same thought, really. For me, the 'we are lovable' thought requires me to do the work to actually find out how it's true and to believe it, whereas the 'god loves you' thought can seem like a platitude. That's not how it feels for everyone of course. Either way, it seems that doing the hard work to get to the place where we believe it is where the growth is.